i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
