I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
