You smell like stripper and shame
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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