So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
