Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
