Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
