i just made my gag reflex go away.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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