This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize