To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
