I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
