pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
