You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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