Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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