you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize