last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
