i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
