Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize