too bad you live with your parents still
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
