i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
