$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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