i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just had sex bonerless
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
