It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
