Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
