His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
