Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
