I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
