That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
