I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
