Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
