I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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