did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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