Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
