since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
