apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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