she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
