He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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