he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
