Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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