Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
