are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
