This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
