So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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