Yo dont text me then not text me
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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