I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
