Will you blow on my dice?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
