Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am one with the molecules
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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