sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We got so high we made milksteak
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize