So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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