so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
