God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
