I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
