when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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