We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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