Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
