You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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