dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
