Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just had sex on a roof
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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