It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
