Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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