Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
