Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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