Swine flu. Run for my life!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We're too hungover to prance.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
