i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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