I think I am morally bankrupt
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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