never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
