yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize