Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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