you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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