I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
